i barfeds in our rink
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
