And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
