Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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