i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
