You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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