Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You smell like stripper and shame
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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