One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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