and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
