I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
