Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
