You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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