Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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