babies were throwing up all over the place
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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