A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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