On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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