I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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