The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
