Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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