Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
