i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just had sex bonerless
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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