smell my finger.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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