I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
