I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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