my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize