I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
