He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
