I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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