May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
