and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
