So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
