Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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