Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
