i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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