I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
