Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
