Jerry, you need to find god
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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