lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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