idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
