After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
