didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
