Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize