dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
