the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
