I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
