she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My balls are so social today.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
