what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
