that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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