ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
