I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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