Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
