Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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