and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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