Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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