My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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