Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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