If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
