I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
