i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
