I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
