Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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