did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
